


The Reason

by WithinAllShadows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Based on Hoobastank Song, Distraught Castiel, Distraught Dean, Divorce, Fighting, M/M, Separation, Some What Happy Ending, screaming matches, the reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 03:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8473843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithinAllShadows/pseuds/WithinAllShadows
Summary: Based on of the song The Reason by Hoobastank. Dean dropped his head walking out the front door and into his Impala packed full of his shit. Dean sat there for a moment hardly comprehending what was happening before he started his car and began driving. Dean sighed heavily gripping his steering wheel tightly in anger and frustration. He was tired of the heavy sinking feeling that went bone deep and settled deep beneath in his skin chilling him to the bone. They were separating. The love of his life, the man he would have moved hell and earth for, he was and it was all his fault.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic kind of touches home for me. My dad showed this song to me when he was divorcing my mom. My parents never got back together, but writing this fic helped me deal with the memories. I hope you all enjoy this, and if it touches you too let me know in the comments below.

Dean stood scratching the back of his head in discomfort looking at the man he called his husband sit down on the bottom step of their stairs with his head in his hands. “Cas…”

 

“Dammit Dean, just go.” Castiel hissed without even looking up his voice cracking on ‘go’.

 

Dean dropped his head walking out the front door and into his Impala packed full of his shit. Dean sat there for a moment hardly comprehending what was happening before he started his car and began driving. Dean sighed heavily gripping his steering wheel tightly in anger and frustration. He was tired of the heavy sinking feeling that went bone deep and settled deep beneath in his skin chilling him to the bone. They were separating. The love of his life, the man he would have moved hell and earth for, he was and it was all his fault.

 

_ How could he accept this? _ Dean sighed heavily and began flipping thru the channels settling on a new rock station. Dean barely listened to the man on the radio introducing the next song the sound of the same steady piano note filled his car the drums joining in creating a sober beat. The guitar begins, and he’s fully captured in the song listening avidly looking for something, anything, to take his mind off of the love of his life that he was letting go.

 

“ _ I’m not a perfect person. There’s many things I wish I didn’t do. _ ” Dean’s heart seizes in his chest as the man’s voice carries bringing image after image of Dean screaming at Castiel, his lover glaring and screaming back.

 

“ _ But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go. That I just want you to know. I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. _ ” Dean couldn’t breathe as he quickly pulled onto the side of the road his heart hammering in his chest in heartache. He could see in his mind Castiel telling him that he loved him, and Dean shoving him away and walking out the door. W _ hy had he done that? Why had he let it get so far? _

 

“I _ ’m sorry that I hurt you. It’s something I must live with every day, and the pain I put you through. I wish I could take it all away, and be the one who catches all your tears. That’s why I need you to hear. _ ” Dean dropped his head into his hands the tears rolling down his face in waves.  _ What was he doing?  _ He’d promised to be there for Castiel every day of his life, to love and cherish him for all he was worth, and all he’d done was push him away.

 

“ _ I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. _ ”

 

Dean shook his head violently. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t leave the one man that had made him feel whole, happy, content with his life. He just couldn’t give up, he couldn’t just walk away. Dean flipped his car around heading back to his white house, with the white picket fence, and his life as the man sang, “ _ and the reason is you _ ,” over and over.

 

Dean turned violently into his driveway hoping from his still running car and bursting through the front door following Castiel’s sobs to the kitchen where he too was listening to the same song from the small radio in the kitchen. Castiel looked up his gaze angry his mouth opening to probably tell Dean to go, but Dean spoke first. “Cas, don't make me go. We’ll figure this out, please. I’m so sorry. I screwed up. I know that, please. I don’t want to leave you.”

 

Castiel look up at him tears stained his cheeks his eyes red and puffy, and yet he was still the most beautiful man Dean had ever seen in his life. His gaze was still hard and Dean could feel his resolve crumbling as a tear slide down his face at the sight of Castiel’s anger at him. “Cas, please…” Dean’s voice cracked his lower lip beginning to tremble.

 

Dean could see in Castiel’s eyes his own resolve braking as he began to crumple in on himself. Dean rushed forward and caught him crushing him to his chest. “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry,” Dean whispered.

 

“Dean…” Castiel sobbed clutching onto him for everything he was worth as the man finished singing the song. “ _ I’ve found a reason to show, a side of me you didn’t know. A reason for all that I do and the reason is you. _ ”

 

“I’ll be better. I swear to God, Cas I want to make this work.” Dean whispered kissing the top of Castiel’s head.

 

Castiel looked up his gaze broken. “You can’t push me away anymore, Dean. You can’t ignore what’s going on between us. When I bring up our problems you can’t scream at me anymore. Dean, I can’t handle that anymore.”

 

Dean shook his head violently. “I promise, Cas, I promise. I love you. I love you so Goddamn much.”

 

Castiel gave him a broken smile. “Okay, Dean.” Dean leaned down and kissed his husband lightly sealing his promise. He wouldn’t let this beautiful man down again, he wouldn’t cause this kind of agony in him again. He would change himself to be a better man, to be a better person for the man that was his world. Castiel would be the reason for all that he did. “God, Cas, I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too,” Castiel whispered kissing Dean softly allowing him the chance to make it all better.

**Author's Note:**

> Loved it? Hated it? Let me know in the comments below. Helpful criticism is welcome. -Luci


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